Danish Selfie Rampage
by DenNorRusCanHongIce
Summary: What happens when Denmark discovers the power of Selfies? (one-shot)


"Oy, oy, everybody!" Denmark grinned, raising a mug in the air. "Let's all enjoy a pint and relax, how about it? We haven't really been doing anything together lately and now seems like a pretty good time! So get your mugs and let's have a drink or two!"

"Um, no, Mathias," Lukas scowled at him, looking up from his book. The others were too busy to notice him. Berwald was watching Ikea commercials online and had his blue headphones on with the volume all the way up, and Tino was playing darts with Emil, the three of them not hearing obviously not hearing the Dane.

"Man, I almost hit the fifty mark!" Iceland groaned.

"You were so close!" Tino nodded sympathetically.

"I want one of these, so I can practice without having to borrow from Norway all the time."

"Hmm...For Christmas maybe~" Finland said thoughtfully.

Denmark frowned and tried again, not giving up quite yet on sharing a drink with his fellow Nordics.

"Guys! Beer! Drunkness!" Denmark said, waving his arms in the air, trying to engage all of them in an activity they could do together, like a family or even just like friends. However nobody payed any attention to the Danish man.

"MISSED AGAIN DAMMIT!" Finland shouted. "Su-San! Why do I keep missing? Su-San? Su-San!"

Sweden didn't hear him because he had his volume up so high, so Finland just shrugged and turn away to try again, only to accidentally throw his dart at Iceland's face, who yelped and scampered out of the way just in time as the dart lodged itself onto the one hundred mark.

"WHOOOOOO! I AM THE KING!"

Denmark frowned and weakly waved his arms in the air again. Norway scowled again, shook his head, and said,

"No wants a drink right now, so stop bothering them about it."

"But it's beer," Denmark murmured, eyes staring at him with a look that said, What's wrong with them? Norway rolled his eyes and returned to his Harry Potter book, turning his page.

"I'm bored," Denmark sighed to the Norwegian, setting his mug down onto the table, his plans to do something nice together (like a family would do) with the other Nordics a failure.

"Tell me something I don't know."

Denmark frowned.

"Why are you always so grumpy?"

"I'm not grumpy, you twit, I'm just trying to read."

"Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy."

"Shut. Up."

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhh." Denmark moaned, " What's that book about?"

"This kid goes to a special school-"

"Never mind," Denmark yawned.

Norway gave him a glare.

"It's actually a pretty good book, if you actually stop to read it instead of just flipping thro-"

"ANY ONE UP FOR THAT PINT?" Mathias shouted loudly, ignoring Lukas. Sweden didn't hear him (how many damn IKEA commercials are there?!) and Finland was celebrating his 7th hit on the hundred mark in a row.

" ." Denmark slumped onto his seat, then, out of pure and complete, absolute, desperate boredom, began banging his head on the table.

"Bored-ow-bored-ow-bored-ow-bored-ow-hey birdie- little birdie 'round and 'round my head-ow-bored-ow-"

"Stop," Lukas commanded, unable to read his book peacefully with the Danish man banging his heads mercilessly on the oak table. Mathias obeyed and sighed.

"Fine, but first, let me take-"

"NO!" Norway shrieked, jumping to his feet and his chair flying backwards to smack Sweden from behind. "WE SHALL NOT SPEAK NOR HEAR NOR THINK NOR MENTION THAT SONG UNDER THIS ROOF, IN THIS FAMILY, OR ANYWHERE ELSE."

"What?" Denmark asked, bewildered at Norway's behavior. What was he talking about?

"What is all of the commotion about?" Finland asked, shuffling over with a defeated Iceland in tow. Sweden dragged the chair back to Norway, who sat back in it and rubbed his temples.

"He almost did that stupid Selfie song," He growled, shooting a deadly look towards Denmark, who sat there feeling confused.

"I love that song!" Iceland grinned.

"It's catchy," Finland nodded.

"It is c'tchy," Sweden agreed with the shorter nation.

"Um...What is the 'Selfie' song? And what is a selfie?" Mathias asked, frowning at the other four.

"You haven't seen it yet?!" Finland gasped.

"Thank goodness..." Norway sighed, looking relieved.

"What? What is it?" Denmark demanded, his curiosity sparking, "I want to know what it is now! What makes it so bad, Norway? Is it really catchy? Come on, tell meeeee-"

"Ir's this stupid video," Norway scowled as Iceland pulled out his phone. "It's all about Selfies and it is annoying as hell."

"I wanna watch it!"

"No!" Norway scowled. "We are not watching-"

"It's loading," Iceland said, staring at his phone. Norway scowled at his younger brother and gave them all a venomous glare before exiting the room. Iceland frowned at him, then leaned over at a certain angle so Denmark could see the screen of his phone as well.

Upbeat music began playing as the video started, taking place at what looked like a dance club as a girl began talking. Denmark watched the video intently, and when it was over he smiled.

"Good song, it was really catchy! But what is a Selfie?"

"This," Iceland said, then took a quick Selfie of himself flashing a 'peace' sign next to Denmark.

"Basically taking a picture of yourself," Finland confirmed, nodding. Mathias pulled out his own phone, then angled the camera towards him and he smiled, saying,

"First, lemme take a Selfie~"

The light flashed and that Danish man looked at his picture, a little blurred...Hmm. Not good. He held his phone out again and flashed another Selfie.

"This is fun!"

"It is!" Finland smiled, then took a picture of himself and Sweden. "Right, Su-San?"

"Hmm...It's alr'ght."

"Selfie! Selfie!" Denmark grinned, taking two more. He put his phone up, then smiled.

"Anyone want a drink?"

"No!"

~Time skip brought to you by Denmark the Salesman. Annoying as hell.~

One week later...

"This beach is pretty nice," Denmark commented as he and Iceland walked along it. Ever since an incident...Erm, involving Iceland getting drunk and stripping naked, he wasn't allowed to go to the beach alone anymore, much to his irritation.

"Of all the people, I get stuck with you," Iceland moaned, wishing he could have gotten Finland, who was fun at the beach, but the Finnish man was staying home to watch a movie today.

"Come on, don't look so glum! What do ya want to do?" Denmark asked cheerfully.

"The beach does look pretty nice," Iceland sighed, "Selfie..." He took a picture of himself in front of the sparkling blue waves, trying not to make this day worse. It couldn't be all that bad, right?

"Oh yeah, I forgot about those!" Mathias grinned, then shoved all of the beach stuff into Emil's arms and took out his own phone, taking a quick Selfie as Emil fell over from the weight of the beach stuff, including floatie toys, tubes, and an umbrella.

"How does it look?" Denmark asked, showing him the picture as he got up, trying not to drop anything.

"Could be better," Iceland answered honestly, taking a look at the Selfie.

"Yeah...Yeah, could be better," Mathias said, then angled his camera and snapped another Selfie.

"Now?" He asked once again, showing Emil the picture he had taken.

"Almost," Emil nodded.

"Yeah...Almost..." Iceland saw a strange, unfamiliar glint in Denmark's eyes as he raised the phone and took another Selfie.

"Done yet? My arms are hurting from all of this stuff."

"Almost," Denmark smiled, then started taking several Selfies.

"How about now?"

Iceland looked at the nine Selfies taken.

"Pretty good..."

"This is really fun! Wonder what's the record taken for how many selfies in a minute?"

"I dunno...All I know is that I can take forty-seven in a minute," Iceland said, smirking.

"Forty-seven?" Denmark stared at him, then grinned.

"Forty-seven," Iceland nodded.

"Bet I could take more," Denmark challenged.

"Really?" Iceland smirked again."Suuuure."

"Hey! I bet I can!" The Danish man huffed.

"Tell you what," Iceland smiled, "If you can take more Selfies than I-and that means perfect, non-blurry pictures-Then I'll buy you a drink."

Denmark's eyes lit up at the word drink.

"Beer?"

"Beer."

"Okay, what's in it for you if I don't take enough?" Denmark asked suspiciously.

"You have to kiss Norway."

"Wait. What."

"You heard me," Iceland smiled.

"How is this beneficial for you?"

"Because maybe then you'll stop bugging Norway...Cause you'll be too busy snogging him."

"WHAT."

"It's obvious you like him," Iceland shrugged, "I bet he likes you too, he just needs...A little push."

"Match-maker much?" Denmark asked, raising an eyebrow. Iceland smirked and shrugged.

"Sort of. You two are obvious."

"Mm-hm...Say, how's Hong Kong been la-"

"MOVING RIGHT ALONG!"

~Time-skip brought to you by Ikea. Hi, Sweden.~

"Ready..." Iceland set the timer on his phone, as Denmark readied his cellphone in Selfie position.

"Set..." Iceland's gloved thumb hovered over the GO button as he watched Denmark position himself a little better in front of the beach.

"GO!" Iceland commanded, pressing down on GO!

Denmark immediately began taking Selfies, Iceland trying to keep track of exactly how many he was taking.

"Selfie! Selfie! Selfie!" Mathias shouted with each one. Emil checked his watch and frowned. Wasn't a minute over by now? Why hadn't his phone gone off? He checked it and face-palmed himself for his stupidity.

"Denmark! Denmark, stop!" Emil shouted at him. Denmark stopped and smiled at him.

"Did I win?"

"No...I think it went past a minute."

"You think?"

"I forgot my screen doesn't work if I have my gloves on," Iceland mumbled a bit apologetically, "So try again."

"Alright..."

"Delete all previous Selfies so we don't get them mixed up."

"Okay."

Iceland took off his glove and hovered his thumb over GO once again.

"Ready...Set...GO!"

Denmark instantly began posing and taking pictures of himself, his trademark "totally fake smile" on his face and a maniac glint in his eyes. Iceland kept his eyes fixed on his timer as Denmark worked on taking his Selfies furiously fast.

Finally, the timer went off as a shrill beep that rang in their ears and Iceland looked up at the Dane, who was already counting his Selfies.

"Thirty-four...Thirty-five...Thirty-six." His face fell. "God dammit!"

"Only thirty-six? Felt like more," Iceland frowned.

"Forty-two, actually, but the rest were all blurry and stuff."

"Oh..."

"Great...I lost..."

"Hey, Denmark...?"

"Yeah?"

"GO KISS NORWAY!"

A sudden maniac look crossed Mathias's face face and he started muttering.

"Selfie...I can do this...I can...Selfie..."

"Um...Denmark, are you okay?"

"Must take more..." Denmark twitched, looking down at his phone. "Can't loose again..."

-Meanwhile at home-

"SU-SAN! SU-SAN!" Finland's voice shrieked from the living room. Sweden and Norway, both hearing his panicked screams, burst into the living room, Swesen wearing a...Um, very manly Kiss the cook apron and wielding a spatula, Norway right behind him.

"Wh't is it?!" Berwald cried out. Tino looked up at him with sad violet eyes, whimpering, as he paused his movie.

"Peeta doesn't die, does he? He lives, right?" Tino leaped up and hugged the taller man around his waist, sobbing. "TELL ME, SU-SAN!"

Sweden looked bewildered and awkwardly patted the top of Finland's head, throwing a questioning glance towards Norway.

"What are you watching?" Norway frowned.

"A movie America gave me," Finland sniffed. "So...Emotional..." He broke down in Sweden's arms.

"...That's it, I'm never taking you to the movies," Norway sighed just as his phone rang. He picked it up to see it was his little brother, Iceland, calling. He answered it saying,

"Hello? Everything okay?"

"N-Norway..." Iceland's voice whimpered. In the background he could hear a strange clicking noise.

"Little bro, are you okay?!" He asked, frowning.

"Oh my god...Norway..." Iceland said, his voice shaking.

"What is it?" Norway asked urgently.

"Oh my god... Norway, I...I think I broke Denmark," Iceland breathed.

"What."

In the background, Norway heard maniacal laughter followed by the scream of

"I AM THE SELFIE KING!"


End file.
